I Need Jew
by cell12
Summary: Kenny persuades Cartman to perform at the school talent show.  Kyman.


I don't own South Park, it's owned by the very talented Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

I Need You - originally performed by The Kinks - written by Ray Davis.

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><p><strong>I Need Jew<strong>

**by cell12**

"Kyle's gonna try to stare you down while you're out there."

"What?" Eric Cartman searched Kenny's face for any sign of dishonesty, "Are you sure?"

Kenny nodded, "Yeah, he told me so himself. He's jealous that you've got the mad skills and extreme confidence needed to perform. He thinks that, if you win, you'll rub it in his face forever."

"So he thinks he can put me off eh?" Cartman spoke with confidence - he lived for the little games of one-upmanship he played with the Jew.

"Stare right back at him," Kenny advised, "don't let him win."

On stage, Mr Garrison was just starting to announce his name.

"Never!"

Eric Cartman, superstar in waiting, strode onto the stage.

* * *

><p>Taking part in the school's annual talent contest had been all Kenny's idea - despite that, Cartman had to admit it was a good one. He had been even more enthusiastic when he found out that performing would count towards his academic performance - off-setting some of the bad grades he had gotten in recent exams. Kenny had even sat with him for the hours it took choosing and practising his song. In the end he had agreed to go with Kenny's suggestion - I Need You, by The Kinks. It was an old song but fun and powerful - Kenny had even sourced the lyrics for him on-line.<p>

With hindsight that may have been a mistake.

Cartman was so busy practising his song and performance that he never noticed Kenny's slight change to the lyrics. Admittedly it wasn't a big change, replacing the word 'girl' with 'one' in the three verses, but a significant change when combined with the rest of Kenny's scheme.

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><p>As Cartman took centre stage his eyes sought out Kyle in the audience. He soon found the sneaky Jew; front row, centre - right in his face. Eric signalled for the band to start and he launched in to the first verse.<p>

_- I need you,_  
><em>- I need you more than birds need the sky.<em>  
><em>- I need you, it's true little one,<em>  
><em>- That you can lift the tears from my eyes.<em>

Cartman never took his eyes off of Kyle as he sang and Kenny was right the Jew was trying to stare him out.

_- But if you ever tell me good-bye,_  
><em>- I'll break down and you'll hear me cry.<em>  
><em>- I need you,<em>  
><em>- More than anybody else has needed anyone before.<em>

In Cartman's opinion, and what other opinion really counted, he killed the chorus. The audience should have been getting into the song. Instead he was getting a weird vibe. Never-the-less Eric Cartman was a professional - so he continued.

_- I need you,_  
><em>- There's no one else to stand in your place.<em>  
><em>- I need you, you know little one,<em>  
><em>- That you can keep the smile on my face.<em>

_- But if you ever tell me good-bye,_  
><em>- I'll break down and you'll hear me cry.<em>  
><em>- I need you,<em>  
><em>- More than anybody else has needed anyone before.<em>

Something was definitely wrong! The Jewish boy's stares had changed from hateful to something softer - something that made Cartman feel uncomfortable in his stomach. This wasn't like him, he never felt nervous - he wasn't like that hippy Stan, throwing up all the time. Was the Jew trying a different tactic to psyche him out?

_- I need you,_  
><em>- There's no one else to stand in your place.<em>  
><em>- I need you, you know little one,<em>  
><em>- That you can keep the smile on my face.<em>

_- But if you ever tell me good-bye,_  
><em>- I'll break down and you'll hear me cry.<em>  
><em>- I need you,<em>  
><em>- More than anybody else has needed anyone before.<em>  
><em>- More than anybody else has needed anyone before.<em>  
><em>- I need you,<em>  
><em>- I need you,<em>  
><em>- I need you.<em>

Cartman finished the song expecting cheers and demands of an encore. Maybe a passing record studio executive to rush the stage demanding that he sign a big contract.

Somebody rushed the stage all-right but it wasn't a record company rep - it was Kyle. The red-head, practically, leaping onto the stage before pouncing on Eric - pressing up against him and smothering him with kisses.

'What the hell is going on,' Cartman thought as the auditorium finally erupted in cheers - he was too stunned to push Kyle away.

What Eric hadn't ever realised, despite all the time he had spent rehearsing the song, was that his accent made the main line in the song sound more like 'I Need Jew' rather than the actual 'I Need You'.

Kyle spoke between kisses - his breaths short, "Cartman I can't believe that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I've had a crush on you for such a long time. When Kenny told me that you were going to perform a special song for me tonight, I hardly dared hope that you would return my feelings."

"Kenneh?" Cartman turned his head to the side where Kenny was still standing in the wings - a huge grin on his face.

It was only then that he realised that he was still on centre stage, with a day-walker Jew snuggled up against him and the beginnings of a boner in his pants. "Ah'll kill yew Kenneh," Cartman muttered.

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><p><em><strong>Authors Note:<strong> A one-shot to satisfy my need for writing Kyman fluffy._

_P.S. I love mischievous Kenny._

_Kyman love to all, cell12._


End file.
